It's Spring, so it must be MS season. It seems to be that way for me. Maybe it's my liver wrenching itself out of Winter, maybe it's the damp, variable weather, maybe it's a long, tough school year. Who knows. This week I've had pain behind my left eye and weird vision in it, blurry I suppose. I haven't usually had eye issues with MS, so this was something new. I've been trying to get enough sleep, trying not to absorb the crappy energy of my high schoolers, but the eye just seems to be like that right now. Nothing is helping.
Tonight TML continued our run of crazy gigs, playing with Primo Cubano over at SPACE. I taught a crash course in tango at 8:00, and then we played alternating sets with PC. We were waiting around in the green room and I was apologizing because I was in kind of a detached mood from my MS stuff, and L. said "have you done tapping?" "EFT?" I asked. I'd come across it early in my recovery but hadn't really used it. So she took me through some of it while we were waiting for our sound check.
I think there probably is something to the tapping points, but what got me today was the talking. I "wrote" my grandmother's eulogy when I was just out of the hospital, using voice recognition software. Wow, was that tough. Sometimes it's hard to say things out loud. That experience came back to me this evening. While tapping, I was supposed to say things like "Even though I feel ______, I choose to feel ___________." Mine started out as "Even though I feel lonely and sad, I choose to feel happy and full of life," but that seemed kind of syrupy, and I switched it to "Even though I feel lonely and sad, I choose to feel relaxed and accepting of my body as it is."
After about the 6th or 8th time I said it, I finally cried. It was a relief. I think I don't let myself cry sometimes. And it was a good thing, too, because I needed to get rid of that stuff before going on stage. Thank you, L. I heart my band. Now for a gig tomorrow, a gig on Thursday, and then finally a vacation.