I've been slightly distracted lately trying to chill a crush. The bad thing is that I don't particularly want to chill this one, but it is necessary. The good thing is that it's made me go through the exercise of trying to figure out whether life is going well, in the direction that I want, or not.
This is tough. It's seldom that I have a clear idea of where I'm going or of any long-term plan. I did a good job of training long-range planning out of me when I wound up with MS. At the risk of jinxing my fairly good health, though, I'm thinking that some visioning may be in order. I'm trying...but it's not happening. Argh! But today I was doodling in my notebook while eating lunch, and a phrase popped onto the page: "things as they are". It reminded me of when I'm teaching a violin lesson (or practicing something myself). The thing I always tell my students is: before you can fix something, you have to know what's wrong. I'll have a student play through something and then try to figure out exactly why it's not working or why it doesn't sound right. If a shift is going too high or too low, the next step is to figure out exactly how much too high or too low, and then why it's high or low, etc., to keep honing in and gathering more detailed information each time. 99.9% of the time, by the time you know enough about the details of what was going wrong, your body has fixed it.
I figure maybe I can apply that to this whole visioning thing. Maybe the reason why I'm having trouble envisioning the future I want is because I don't have a detailed enough awareness of what I'm doing right now and why I'm doing the things I'm doing. That's the hypothesis, anyway. Time to get focused and gather some data.