That's what's missing from my days. It's violin. I'm not playing enough violin. Tonight was the first Nutcracker rehearsal, and it was so nice to sit with wonderful violinist D. and be held to her high standards. It was such a relief knowing that the flubs I made can be fixed with some careful practice tomorrow. This is almost like normal violin playing. My fingers are almost there. Now I'm longing to take this body and actually move my playing beyond where it was pre-paralysis, for the first time in 7½ years.
But practicing violin takes as much (maybe more) mental work as physical work. And mental energy is not something I have at the end of a day of teaching (or of a day of teaching followed by a night of teaching). Playing the violin heals my brain, I know it does. I've known it at different moments over the years. It calms me down and keeps me healthy. I'm thinking again about what I would give up to play the violin more, and thinking again about the tiny house, and thinking about conversations I've had this week about changing the way our school operates, and thinking about my multiple jobs. Lots of things are swirling around, but they haven't settled yet.