I remember the moment: I was reading The Contrary Farmer. In it he was describing how he gets a cow used to being in the milking yoke: he can't just put her in the yoke, because she'll freak out and then he'll never be able to get her into it ever again. So instead he leaves it open and puts her food on the other side of the yoke, so that she has to put her head in it to reach her food. After a few days of this, he closes the yoke and she continues eating, hardly noticing that she's in the yoke. That's sometimes me, I thought as I read, that's me when I need to be eased into a big change. I can think I'm all complicated, but actually I'm just like a cow. Fabulous! (I briefly considered updating my match.com profile heading to read "must be good with animals", but...didn't).
Lately I've/the cow has been balking about the tiny house. I've been giving myself little nudges in the direction of the tiny house, but for some reason I'm resisting gathering materials and resisting going to the December design class. Feh. I'm still stewing over what it means about my life choices. This is all wicked exasperating.
Over the past week I've been trying to give myself a bigger nudge in the tiny house direction by moving out of my apartment and into the smaller apartment downstairs. I've even been procrastinating about that. So yesterday I finally thought, OK, to motivate myself I need to make my current apartment seem less homey and the downstairs apartment seem more homey. How? Answer: move the plants. Move the kitchen stuff. It's working, thank goodness. With plants downstairs and pots hanging from the wall, the downstairs kitchen is feeling good. And without plants, the upstairs is seeming a little naked. Now I'm motivated.
It should not be this hard to create change in my life. I'm not sure why I'm so, so opposed to it, more now than usual.