I recently asked both E. and L., "can you flirt? I've forgotten how." I used to be a huge flirt in middle school and high school, (a time in my life that I associate with being the least open and the most superficial--maybe why I don't flirt anymore?), but I seriously haven't flirted in years. This does not include interaction with the guy I ended up dating in college and with Dangerously Charming Man in California, whom I did not end up dating. But even talking to Dangerously Charming Man was not flirting--we were just having interesting conversations and shooting each other glances at the same time. Which was pretty much perfect for me.
L. said: "it has been documented" (?) that the most basic thing you can do to flirt is to smile and hold someone's gaze for 2 to 3 seconds. Huh. I tend to do this with L. anyway, but I tried it out right then. Damn is 2-3 seconds longer than I thought. Three times since that conversation I've had the opportunity to try it out on someone besides L. The first time I forgot that I should maybe be flirting until afterwards, and thought "darn it, I totally should have flirted with him! Argh!". The other two times, the thought crossed my mind and both times I could not do it. Once I'm in an interesting conversation with somebody, I'd rather just keep having that conversation. And holding a stranger's eye from across the room? Aiiiiieeeeeee! Too scary. I'm feeling like a total wuss. Maybe this is the result of being a woman in computing for so many years (not wanting other people to think I'm silly)? Or fear of rejection? What? What is it? Sigh.
Clearly I need to work on this.